


Foolish

by chemicalcandy



Series: A Promise We Made One Year Ago [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Best Friends, Emotions, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of blow jobs, Tears, mentions of anal sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemicalcandy/pseuds/chemicalcandy
Summary: Frank and Gerard didn’t do parties. Their taste in social events was narrowed down to watching movies or playing video games together in their bedrooms, usually, and Gerard had always been really fucking fine with that. So this upcoming party did not only force Gerard out of his comfort zone but was also a guarantee that something would go horribly wrong.





	Foolish

Gerard didn’t know how it had happened, really. He was surprised, overwhelmed, nervous and fucking thrilled in equal measure, and although he had zero experience with going to parties whatsoever, he was damn sure it was not normal for a guy, that nobody would particularly pay attention to anyway, to spend three hours in front of his wardrobe to pick the right outfit, and then another thirty minutes just to apply some eyeliner.  
  
It all had happened so suddenly, though, it wasn’t like Gerard had had any time to prepare himself for what was about to come earlier. Because this morning, shortly after waking up, downing about thirty ounces of coffee and taking a reluctant shower, Frank had texted him saying nothing but “ _I’ve probably done something stupid please don’t hate me”_ and a photo. Confused, Gerard had unlocked his phone to find said photo being a screenshot of a conversation Frank had had with someone called Terry, whoever the fuck that was. Anyway, Terry had invited Frank to a New Year’s Eve party at his place, and had apologized he was asking just now, about ten hours before the fucking party because he had sort of forgotten to invite Frank two weeks ago.  
  
And apparently, Frank had gotten super excited and agreed to go right away.  
  
Now, Frank and Gerard didn’t do parties. Their taste in social events was narrowed down to watching movies or playing video games together in their bedrooms, usually, and Gerard had always been really fucking fine with that. He had Frank, someone he could rant about anything stupid that popped up in his head, someone who he trusted so much that he loved spending time with him even more than being alone, and Gerard _loved_ being alone. So this upcoming party did not only force Gerard out of his comfort zone, but was also a guarantee that something would go horribly wrong.  
  
The reason Gerard had spent his entire afternoon getting ready though was the text Frank had sent three minutes after having over-joyfully thanked Terry for the invitation and promised he’d be there. _“Can Gerard come t_ _o_ _o?”_ This was so fucking embarrassing, because Terry and Gerard didn’t know each other at all. Gerard didn’t even know how Frank knew Terry, he’d never mentioned him before, and that itself was unsettling as fuck. Of course Gerard had agreed to go. Because he didn’t want Frank to look like the weird guy who’d asked permission to bring a friend, who in the end didn’t even show up. And because he wanted to spend New Year’s Eve with his best friend. And okay, maybe he also was a bit happy to finally go to a party.  
  
But now Gerard would be the awkward guy nobody knew the entire night, and knowing himself, Gerard was sure he wouldn’t try any sorts of social interactions either.  
  
So he would just spend the night clinging to Frank, who hopefully wouldn't turn out to be, like, super popular, and talk to all kinds of cool people in a sudden outburst of social skills or something. Gerard kind of wanted to have Frank to himself, wanted to hear him gush over Black Flag for the umpteenth time, and maybe give him a blowjob if they were at it. You know, the _usual_ stuff. Going out was… new. Gerard didn’t like it.  
  
Except he _kind of_ did.  
  
So after hours of sending Frank half-serious angry messages and contemplating his life choices, Gerard found himself sitting on a couch in a stranger’s house that night. Apart from Frank and him, there were two other kids on the small item of furniture, so Frank was basically sitting on Gerard’s lap. Which was nice.  
  
Gerard wasn’t sure what he had expected, but a bunch of bored teenagers playing card and board games while mischievously drinking one or two beers certainly was _not_ what he’d had in mind imagining a New Year's Eve party.  
  
There were about ten kids, and Gerard had to find he actually really liked their company. Sure, being sandwiched between Frank, the arm rest and some girl he’d only said hi to until now wasn’t exactly an ideal position, especially since he couldn’t even participate in the board game they were playing right now properly, but Gerard _liked_ it. Frank was right here, practically on top of him, and he was really fucking happy with the way they spent their evening, too. He kept giggling and joking with the other kids, and even drank a few beers.  
  
They usually didn’t drink. They didn’t need it, because obviously, they knew how to enjoy themselves without alcohol. Gerard and Frank used to smoke pot every now and then about two years ago but quickly found it too expensive, and when Mikey had almost discovered their weed under Gerard’s bed, they had decided to just quit. It was hard to get, anyway, and well, they were fine just talking with each other to have fun.  
  
Either way, today was actually the very first time Gerard drank beer, or alcoholic beverages in general. It tasted… bitter, not the good kind of bitter like Frank’s cum, more like the the-surface-of-Gerard’s-tongue-is-tickling-and-prickling-and-whatnot-and-it’s-not-nice kind of bitter, and it was also really unpleasant to swallow. (Also unlike Frank’s cum.)  
  
Frank seemed to like it, though. As far as Gerard could tell, he was just in the act of emptying his third bottle, which was not exactly much beer to have drunken, but still more than most of the other kids had consumed. Gerard didn’t mind, though. He was glad Frank was having a good time.  
  
“Hey, we should totally play Truth or Dare!” One of the kids suggested, throwing his cards to the floor carelessly as nobody was really into the game, anyway. Some of the other guests nodded in agreement, some mumbled their consent, and admittedly, Truth or Dare probably also wasn’t exactly what popular kids would do on a party like this, but Gerard wasn’t arguing.  
  
“I hope it’s getting dirty,” Frank whispered in Gerard’s ear, making sure only he could hear. Gerard smirked and rubbed over Frank’s back. He felt the stark urge to kiss him, but he was pretty sure Frank wouldn’t appreciate that in front of all the other kids. So Gerard settled for nodding excitedly, trying not to look disappointed when Frank gave him an adorable smirk before he turned away again.  
  
Someone’s empty bottle was placed in the center of their small circle, and the guy who’d suggested playing Truth or Dare was just in the process of spinning it.  
  
“I think you should sit somewhere other than Gerard’s lap, Frank,” Terry said with a grin. “Or it’ll never be his turn!”  
  
“Oh, right,” Frank agreed. He scooted around a bit, subtly pressing his ass against Gerard’s dick because he liked to be an asshole, and then sat down on the armrest. “Better?”  
  
Terry nodded. Everybody’s eyes were on the spinning bottle then, which stopped rotating with its tip pointing at the girl sitting next to Gerard a few seconds later. “Truth or Dare, Lindsey?”  
  
“Uh, Truth!”  
  
“You’re lame,” somebody else commented, making Gerard cringe. He sure as fuck had also been planning to take Truth rather than Dare, because well, he’d watched enough crappy teen movies and heard kids at school talk about their experiences to know how weird these dares could get. He didn’t want to come home lacking one of his eyebrows, having milk in weird places inside of his body where it really shouldn't be, or wearing someone else’s underwear.  
  
“You’re a dick,” the girl, Lindsey, retorted with a shrug, her eyes staying on the guy who’d spun the bottle. “So? What’s my question?”  
  
“Okay. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Who?”  
  
So Lindsey talked about some apparently hot teacher, who was kind of a prick but it didn’t matter because of his good looks. The other kids laughed and commented on it, but since Frank and Gerard had no idea who they were talking about, they found the subject rather boring.  
  
The game got interesting when Frank had to do a chicken dance for two rounds, or when some girl had to sing with lots of water in her mouth and the others had to guess what song it was. At some point, Terry was made to play three rounds wearing no pants, which was pretty funny, too.  
  
“Gerard! It’s your turn!” A girl Gerard thought was called Lisa or Lizzy had spun the bottle and it was pointing at Gerard, finally. It was the first time he got to actively partake. He hadn’t really minded just sitting on the couch, considering he still didn't exactly have an itch to talk about his private life in front of all these strangers, but he also was excited to get to do something. “Truth or Dare?”  
  
“Um...” Gerard made. His brain was screaming Truth, but wanting to impress the others, he decided against it. “Dare.”  
  
“Okay.” Lisa or Lizzy hummed, looking around the room a few moments. Eventually, her eyes landed on the girl next to Gerard. “Ooh, you should make out with Lindsey! For at least two minutes.”  
  
Gerard felt his cheeks flush at the prospect of kissing a girl. Or kissing anyone, really. Anyone but Frank. “I… I don’t know about this,” he admitted, chuckling nervously. “I mean-”  
  
“It’s a Dare,” Lindsey remarked. Gerard hadn’t even dared to _look_ at her yet, but when he turned his head, she was grinning at him expectantly. “I’m not gonna bite you. Unless you’re into it,” she shrugged.  
  
“I-”  
  
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” The kids started to chant. Gerard was reminded of a crowd of five-year-olds, but before he could come up with a clever excuse explaining why he couldn’t kiss Lindsey without revealing he was gay or making the others think he had some disgusting disease, Lindsey was pulling him closer and their lips collided, wet and sort of awkward but firmly.  
  
She kept her fist in the collar of his shirt, the other one caressing his hair gently, and Gerard sort of melted into the kiss with his hands uselessly in the air between their bodies. Lindsey was a pretty good kisser as far as Gerard could tell. Her lips were softer than Frank’s, and she also didn’t have that scratchy little stubble Frank had going on when he hadn't shaved in a few days. Her hands were softer too, more careful than Frank’s were, which also might be because Frank and Gerard both knew they liked it rather rough most of the time.  
  
“Ninety seconds to go!” the girl informed them. Gerard hummed to show he’d understood, but it somehow turned into a moan when Lindsey bit down on his bottom lip. Fuck. Gerard wanted to pull back and apologize, his cheeks turning an even darker shade of red, but Lindsey only chuckled into his mouth. She let go of his collar and placed both hands on Gerard’s shoulders, then crawled on his lap quicker than he could comprehend, straddling his thighs with her knees. Their crotches weren’t touching, thank fuck they weren’t, but somehow the kiss became more intense like this. Lindsey was practically on top of Gerard, pressing his back against the sofa as their lips never disconnected. Somewhere in the room Lisa or Lizzy told them how many seconds they had before the two minutes were over, but Gerard barely registered it. His head felt clouded as his hands roamed over Lindsey’s back mindlessly, finally having found some way of busying themselves.  
  
“Time’s over! You guys can stop now!” the girl giggled. Lindsey kissed Gerard again, pressing their lips together shortly before she pulled back and sat back down on the couch next to Gerard.  
  
Gerard was out of breath. He felt too hot, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead, and when he raked a hand through his hair, he noticed how disheveled it was.  
  
“Oh man,” Lindsey panted. She was grinning widely while she sorted her own hair out, the black locks looking a little tousled. “You’re a great kisser, Gerard.”  
  
“Well, uh… thank you. You- you too.” Gerard hated how awkward he sounded, but well, that’s what you get for spending your entire life in your parent’s basement. He cleared his throat and wiped his palms on his pants, realizing he was half-hard, and bit back a groan. Gerard was gay, oh lord, and now kissing a girl had turned him on? That was pretty damn pathetic. Maybe Frank could take care of it later, though, when they got home. A blowjob sounded magnificent just then.   
  
He wanted to tilt his head to whisper something suggestive in Frank’s ear, picturing him giggle excitedly and this certain glistening in his eyes already, but Gerard had to find Frank wasn’t sitting next to him anymore. And he also wasn't to be seen anywhere else.  
  
Frowning, he watched the other kids continue the game, growing concerned with every minute he spent sitting there without Frank. Where the fuck would he go without telling Gerard? Sure, he’d been kind of busy, but still.  
  
“Hey, uh,” Gerard made after another minute had passed without Frank reappearing. “Does… does anyone know where Frank went?”  
  
Terry nodded. “Oh, yeah. I think he went to the bathroom. He didn’t look too good, maybe he’s had too much beer.”  
  
“He’s only had like three bottles...” Gerard argued, not convinced by that.  
  
“Yeah, I know. No idea what’s wrong with him, man,” Terry shrugged.

Terry quickly explained where the bathroom was, so Gerard thanked him and got up, excusing himself. It was weird Frank would feel bad all of the sudden, he’d been so happy just a few minutes ago. Also, Gerard was pretty sure Frank wouldn’t disappear into the bathroom for ages because of three bottles of beer, nobody threw up because of that. So Gerard theorized.  
  
But when he reached the bathroom it was indeed locked. “Frank?” he called out, knocking on the door carefully. “Are you in there?” Nobody answered. Gerard furrowed his brows and waited. “Hello?”  
  
“Go away.”  
  
The words were like a kick to the teeth. Gerard felt a little nauseous, and he leaned against the wall, confused. “F-Frankie?” he tried again. “It’s me. It’s Gerard.”  
  
“Oh, I know,” Frank snorted. He sounded so… pissed. Like he suddenly hated Gerard. It made Gerard feel horrible. “Go. Away.”  
  
“I just...” There obviously was a problem, something that made Frank upset. Gerard just wanted to help him, make sure he was alright. He hadn’t been prepared to get treated like this by his best friend. “Frankie, please. Are you okay? What happened?”  
  
Frank huffed but stayed silent. Gerard let out a quiet sigh. He felt stupid for standing in front of a stranger's bathroom door, trying to start a conversation with Frank, who obviously had no interest in reciprocating. The other kids probably thought he was a stupid, clingy friend, but Gerard didn’t care about that. He just wanted to know what was wrong with Frank.  
  
“Talk to me,” he tried again after a few seconds. “Please. Tell me what makes you mad?”  
  
Again, Frank didn’t bother saying anything. Gerard started to feel like it was something _he_ had done, but he honestly couldn’t imagine what it was. Except maybe… Maybe Frank hadn’t liked him making out with Lindsey?  
  
But that would be ridiculous. Frank knew Gerard was gay, so he wouldn't assume making out with her would have any effects on him. And Frank didn’t have a reason to get… jealous or anything. Because sure, they liked to kiss and exchange blowjobs and fuck, but it wasn’t like they were _together._ They were just friends. Best friends, of course, but still, Gerard couldn’t wrap his head around what had changed Frank’s mood all of the sudden.  
  
“Please, Frankie,” he begged, knocking again. “Let me in? Do you need my help?”  
  
“I need you to go away,” Frank answered, sounding exhausted. Gerard felt his heart break a little.  
  
“I… Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?” He bit his lip, hoping he didn’t come across too desperate. Frank just really mattered to him.  
  
“Yes. _Go. Away.”_  
  
Gerard gulped. “Please-”  
  
“Can I just get two minutes of silence? Jesus fucking Christ. Two minutes. _Two fucking minutes_. Just leave me alone, Gerard.”  
  
“I… Okay. Okay, Frankie, I’m sorry. Just… please come out soon? Please?”  
  
Gerard held his breath waiting for an answer, but Frank didn’t seem to be up for giving him one. So he sighed, and after a few moments, he went back to the living room where the others still were playing Truth or Dare. There was a lump in Gerard’s throat and an incredibly uneasy feeling in his stomach. He didn’t feel like playing anymore; whatever had made Frank upset kept him from so much as smiling back at Lindsey when he sat back down next to her.  
  
“Hey, what’s up?” she asked, her grin disappearing when she saw Gerard’s face. “Is your friend okay?”  
  
Gerard shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t know. Probably not, he won't talk to me. I don’t know what’s wrong.”  
  
“Do you want me to talk to him?” Lindsey asked with a concerned frown.  
  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Gerard said thoughtfully. In case it _was_ because of what he and Lindsey had done, the person Frank hated the most right now apart from Gerard would be Lindsey, so he doubted he’d want to open up to her either. “He said he needs a couple of minutes.”  
  
“Okay.” Lindsey shrugged. “Let me know if you need my help, though.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Frank did actually appear a few minutes later. Gerard looked up when he entered the room, smiling at him, hoping he was better, but Frank didn’t even look in his direction. Instead he made a beeline towards Terry and told him something Gerard didn’t catch. Terry looked concerned but nodded understandingly, and then they hugged, and Frank left the room. Gerard watched with an open mouth as Frank put his jacket on in the hallway – was he about to leave? Without him?  
  
“Frank!” he called out, rushing into the other room. He grabbed Frank’s wrist just in time before he could open the front door, trying to make him turn around to look at him, but Frank kept his head down. “Frank,” he said, trying to keep his voice down. “Dude, what are you doing?”  
  
“I’m going home.”  
  
“Home? But the party! It’s not even midnight, and- and you were going to sleep at my place, you can’t-”  
  
Frank lifted his head then. “Yes, Gerard, I fucking can,” he fumed. Gerard gasped looking at his face, his eyes were slightly red and wet. Frank had cried. “You wanna stop me? Well, I’d like to see you try.”  
  
“F-Frank…” Gerard’s voice sounded whiny, and he placed both of his hands on Frank’s shoulders now, trying to keep him close. “Frank, what’s wrong with you? Please tell me, I-”  
  
“Not feeling good,” Frank mumbled with a shrug. “Now let me go. I’m leaving.”  
  
“You-”  
  
“Just shut up, Gerard.”  
  
Frank pushed Gerard’s hands off his body and spun around, opening the door and waltzing straight outside without so much as glancing back at his best friend.  
  
For a second, Gerard just stood there, watching Frank walk away. The air was cold, icily so, and it made Gerard shiver.  
  
Without second thought he turned around, grabbed his own jacket from the rack without bothering to say goodbye to the others, and followed after Frank.  
  
It was _freezing_ outside.  
  
The cool night air hit his exposed face like thousands of tiny needles boring into his skin. Gerard took a shaky breath and buried his hands deep in his pockets. Everything in his body told him to get the fuck back inside, but Frank’s silhouette, that had almost disappeared in the semi-darkness, urged him forward, onto the snow-covered sidewalk.  
  
“Frank!” he called again. His breath appeared like a white cloud in front of him, quickly fading into the night. Gerard would have found it pretty if it weren’t for his best friend enduring some kind of crisis.  
  
Frank acted like he hadn’t heard Gerard although he clearly had since he was only a couple of meters in front of him. He was walking fast. Despite his short legs, Frank rushed along the sidewalk, not looking back once. Gerard hurried after him, slipping and almost landing on his ass one or two times. It got better after a few seconds since his eyes accustomed to the sparse light from the adjacent houses. The stars also provided some brightness, but it was a rather cloudy night.  
  
Shakily Gerard followed Frank’s darker footsteps in the white snow below him, trying to catch up with him. “Frank,” he shouted again. “Please wait. I just wanna talk to you!”  
  
They had already reached the end of the road by the time Gerard finally could place a hand on Frank’s shoulder and spin him around. He could barely see his face, but the longer he looked at him, the more obvious it got.  
  
Frank was crying.  
  
Trembling breaths filled the small distance between them as Frank desperately tried to hold back his sobs. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and god, he had to be freezing. His entire body was shaking since he hadn’t bothered to zip his jacket. Frank looked like a mess. But his eyes were focused on Gerard, completely still and somewhat hurt, so Gerard knew this wasn’t because of the beer he’d had.  
  
“F-Frank,” he exhaled. “Frankie...”  
  
“Don’t _Frankie_ me,” Frank snapped. He raised his hands, and for a moment Gerard feared he would push him away, but Frank just wiped the tears off his cheeks, sniffing. “I- I’ve had enough, Gerard. I can’t do this anymore.”  
  
“What?” Gerard asked. Suddenly his surroundings didn’t seem cold anymore. All he could focus on was Frank, and what he was about to tell him. It kind of felt like the rest of the world had stopped, like time was standing still, or simply didn’t exist anymore. Gerard gulped thickly. “What can’t you do?”  
  
“ _This_.” Frank kept staring straight up at Gerard, looking livid. “Us. This thing between us. It’s not working.”  
  
Gerard’s heart stopped just then. “Wh-What?” he gasped. Things between them were going fine. Or they had been until yesterday, anyway, when Frank had been over and they’d had sex, even in the kitchen since Gerard’s parents and brother had been out. Gerard had bend over the kitchen counter next to the oven containing a deliciously smelling pizza they had eaten after. Everything had been normal. Or so Gerard had been thinking. “You mean...” he started again when he had sorted his thoughts. “Us… having sex? Or...”  
  
Frank shook his head. “No. I mean, yes. But also… our friendship. Everything.”  
  
“Frank-” Gerard felt tears well up in his eyes too then. He swallowed and closed his eyes briefly, pressing them shut, hoping this was just a bad dream. When he opened them and Frank was still looking at him with this weird, heartbreaking expression, a whimper escaped his throat. “Don’t say that,” he begged. “I… what did I do? Why do you f-feel that way?”  
  
“It’s just…” Frank took a deep breath, looking at his feet rather than Gerard now. “Okay. I feel like… It’s not right. We’re not right. It doesn’t… it doesn’t make me… happy.”  
  
“Why?” Gerard’s head was spinning, and he felt physically sick. Everything had seemed so perfect. “Frank, I… I’m sorry. Whatever it is I do to make you… make you _unhappy_ , I’ll change it. I promise, I swear, just please don’t-”  
  
“It’s not something you do on purpose,” Frank mumbled vaguely, still not meeting Gerard’s eyes.  
  
“Is this about… what happened earlier?” Gerard asked, his voice hoarse. “W-With that girl?”  
  
Frank hesitated. “No,” he said eventually. “Not… not really.”  
  
“Frank, please,” Gerard tried. This couldn’t be real, it just… “I-I’m begging you. Please, I need you. You’re my best friend, fuck, you’re _more_ than that, you… you’re the most important person in my life. Please don’t do this to me. I’ll do anything to make things better, I swear, just please, at least tell me what’s wrong. What I did to you. I can’t let you go, _please_.”  
  
Frank was sobbing then. His small form was shaking, convulsing under Gerard’s touch. It made Gerard’s heart ache even worse to see Frank like this, and he didn’t care if Frank thought they shouldn’t stay friends anymore at this moment. There was no way he would watch him fucking burst to pieces without doing anything.  
  
So he took a step closer until their chests were pressed together, and moved his hands from his shoulders down to his back, holding him tight. Frank let out a pained noise before he caved and wrapped his arms around Gerard’s body, burying his wet face in the crook if his neck and holding him so firmly Gerard had difficulties breathing.  
  
Gerard planted a kiss on the top of Frank’s head and rubbed small circles on his back, feeling him cry harder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, fighting with his own tears. “For whatever I did to you, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”  
  
Frank shook his head and kept his head buried in Gerard’s neck. His breathing changed, like he was trying to form a response, but the next sob made his body jolt, and he didn’t say anything. Gerard settled for just holding him, showing him he was there, trying to calm him. Protect him. Hoping Frank would change his mind about their friendship.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Frank mumbled into Gerard’s skin. It was hard to understand his words, but Gerard wouldn’t ask him to move. “I-I’m stupid. I shouldn’t be doing this, I’m sorry, Gerard.”  
  
“There’s nothing you need to be sorry for,” Gerard told him truthfully. “I just… I don’t understand.”  
  
“Of course you don’t.” Frank let out a short breath, like a chuckle, only that his voice didn’t sound amused. He pulled back, out of the embrace, and wiped his tears away. “Fuck,” he groaned, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...”  
  
“Frank,” Gerard pleaded. He wanted to touch him again, tell him everything was okay, but Frank clearly needed his space. So Gerard pushed his hands back in his pockets, the sudden coldness without Frank's body heat shocking him.  
  
Frank took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It looked like he was going to cry again, but when he opened them, he looked somehow… determined. Like he was on a mission. A mission he was scared of, but would accomplish anyway. “Okay,” he whispered shakily. “Okay. You really wanna know?”  
  
Gerard nodded. “Yes. Please.”  
  
“Okay,” Frank repeated. “I… fuck. The reason I… I think it’s better to end this… this friendship is…” He swallowed thickly and licked his lips. “This is… kind of fucked up. So I’m just gonna go ahead and tell you everything, okay? Please don’t interrupt me. And when I’m done, you don’t have to say anything either. Just… just go. Okay? You’re gonna think I’m a freak. So just go back to the party or whatever. Find someone else, someone who isn’t… _fuck_.”  
  
“Frank, you mean the world to me.” Gerard looked at him seriously. “There’s nothing that could make me think of you like that. But okay, I promise I’ll keep my mouth shut.”  
  
“I…” Frank begun, then nodded. “Okay. I can’t believe I’m doing this, oh my god. So, um… Do you remember when we… when we decided to, you know, have sex one year ago? Yeah, well. It all started around that time. Actually, it's started way earlier. Even before you… before you told me you were gay. And I thought maybe- maybe I… But apparently, I was wrong. Never mind. So… I waited. I waited an entire year, hoping maybe we wouldn’t have to wait until we were both eighteen. Because maybe it would have worked out earlier, you know? Not because we both were horny bastards or whatever, this isn’t about the sex, fuck the sex. I thought… because we were so close, and because we were both gay, and because we obviously… _like_ each other, you know? But it never happened. So that was okay with me. And then the sex after my birthday was also fucking okay, it was amazing, _you_ are amazing. You’re so amazing, Gerard, but… yeah. For me, it never was just about having someone to put my fucking dick in. This was about... you. All along. And I thought maybe you would start to realize that. That maybe it wouldn’t have to come down to this, but… I’m sorry. Anyway, you made out with that girl, and-”  
  
“It was just a _Dare_ , Frank, I-” Gerard burst out, desperately wanting to make Frank feel better. He hated seeing him like this, so fucking devastated, and Gerard’s heart was thumping irregularly and fast. But Frank raised a hand, cutting him off.  
  
“You promised you’d listen to me,” he said.  
  
Gerard bit his lip. “Sorry.”  
  
“So… you made out with her. And I don’t know, it just got too much. I had to get out of there, and then I just hid, I didn’t know what else to do. And I thought a lot, about the last weeks, about the last _years_ , and I realized I was being stupid. I’d never thought I’d actually be telling you this one day… but whatever. Fuck it. I thought about how I’ve been trying to tell you for all those weeks, but you never showed any kind of sign that you also felt something. I managed to keep my feelings locked away from you for most of the time, but I… they were always there. Every time we fucked, I hoped it would mean more to you than just sex. Every time I kissed you. Every time I just was with you, no matter what we were doing. Every day for the last god knows how many months. I… fuck. I can’t accept that you don’t feel the same way. I know this is egoistic as fuck, and I’m probably being an asshole, but I tried, and I can’t live like this any longer. Seeing you kiss someone else was like… the final nudge I needed to realize that we can't stay friends. I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is… oh god. I. I fucking… I love you, Gerard. And I know you-”  
  
Before Gerard knew it, he was interrupting Frank again. Not with words this time, though.  
  
Their icy lips were pressed together tightly, and Gerard’s hands were cupping Frank’s cheeks, feeling his damp and cold skin below his trembling fingers. Thousands of thoughts were swirling in Gerard’s head, so many things he needed Frank to know, but he felt like no words could express them, really.  
  
Frank stiffened at first, but quickly relaxed against Gerard’s mouth, moving his hands up to cling to Gerard’s jacket. He pulled him closer, like he wanted to climb inside him, and not in a sexual way. It felt more like he couldn’t live without him. Like he needed to keep kissing Gerard to stay alive. Gerard hadn’t thought so many deep feelings could be said by just a kiss, but now he was experiencing it himself.  
  
Because it was more than just a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Writing this short series has been great fun :) ♥
> 
> please leave me a comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> xo


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